Last night I had a really long dream about being back at burford again....

I can't remember much of it, except that I was in the hall and the woman who plays Starbuck was there (!) and it turns out I went to school with her lol

And there were very few pupils left at the school.....and I was in the boys side for a bit and saw an old friend, grown up, and I was on huge roller skates that I couldn't walk on....

And I tried to leave - I actually decided that I didn't want to be there anymore, that it was all great that they were happy there, but that I wanted to go on with my life, so I walked out of the building and down the road away from the school.

And then I was brought back somehow by a little blonde girl, who kept leading me back to the boys side and I realised that she was not letting me leave, so I tried to lock her up by imagining a door and a lock and turning the lock....but just as I turned the key in the lock, she reached out through a gap and put her hand inside me body, about my 2nd chakra area, and I woke up very suddenly.

I was thinking the other day how strange it is that I keep revisiting my school in my dreams.....I was aware of that in this dream, and it was very lucid - deciding to leave, 'creating' the lock by seeing it - but there was definitely something trying to keep me there...trying to show me something.....

But she wasn't a little girl. When she grabbed me, she changed and I could see that she definitely wasn't a little girl, just pretending to be one....

Last night I dreamt of walking from my living room into the downstairs hall, just about to go upstairs to bed. There was a box in the hall, past the stairs entrance, and on top of the box, in the shadows of the unlit hall, was a figure. At first I thought it was my imagination tricking me, but I looked again and it was definitely there; a golum like figure crouched on top of the box, looking at the floor.
I moved closer to it and it didn't moved. When I was at the bottom of the stairs I stopped, I didn't want to have to walk past it onto the steps. I told it in my head to move, and it's face turned and looked right at me; a face I have known for a long, long time.
I had a blanket in my hands, and I threw it over the figure and pulled it onto the floor. Then I stepped past onto the stairs and climbed them backwards. Almost immediately, the figure slid free of the blanket and began to follow me rapidly, slithering like a shadow across the floor to the steps.
I ran upstairs.
At the landing I stopped and was looking down. Gabriel was stood beside me, and my mum was there looking down the stairs. She went down, and the shadow figure raced up them and made for my feet. I jumped out of the way.
Then, I was talking to my dad, who's dead, and he told me that where I saw the figure in the hallway was where my brother's girlfriend had a fit and some paranormal stuff happened.
We were discussing what it could be.
I woke up afraid. It's been such a long time since I've woken up afraid, but this puppet/shadow/figure was different to anything I've encountered before.

When I went back to sleep, I dreamt that my mouth was full of something sticky, choking me. Another oldie! I was stood looking into the mirror in a bathroom, trying to pull out the stuff, listening to someone talking about how hard rusks are to eat! And I woke up gasping....

It's strange to be dreaming these old themes again. I thought there were over with. For the last week I've been having such vivid dreams of the masculine and feminine, and then a dream of my teacher telling me to draw my demons, and then a dream about trying to exorcise a demon from a house over and over again, now this.

Later on in the night, I dreamt I was face to face with a similar being, this time 3D rather than shadow, who was doing poses on the floor and staring at me. I began to copy it, staring into it's eyes and matching it's contortions......it wasn't frightening at all, just....interesting.

I have followed my teachers advice; I have drawn the demon that I used to see all the time. The first picture is of a vision I had of it in a tree, crouching like the one in the dream, and the second picture is a face, the closest I have ever come to the terrifying face I used to see all the time out of the shadows. These pictures are up in our Altar room, and everytime I go in there I can sense the second picture; it's like I've called up the demon and have it in a safe place - our sacred space. We even have a picture of Padmasambhava watching it!

I realised that calling it up, really looking at it and calling it into the light is a really sensible thing to do. I knew I wasn't totally done with this theme in my life either, so it was no surprise when my teacher told me that the wound was healing but not healed, and that the demon was still hanging around in the shadows. But calling it up, really looking at it, is obviously stirring up some stuff for me, and considering my recent wobbles I'm a bit nervous about that.

I don't believe I could have a problem like before with it, I've come too far and my relationship with that stuff has changed so much. But that's not to say that it doesn't scare me a bit, reminding me how vulnerable I feel, and how the darkness lives with us every moment, every day.

First post, again...

I'm starting another blog, this time on Google, for this simple reason that I like to write about myself. And I think that it does me good to write on a regular basis, even if it is random musings...

So what's been going on? Well, this year so far we have had a baby son (Forrest :oD), moved house, bought a new car, got engaged, Gabriel was made permanent in his job...and more important that any of this, we have both been moving forward with our paths, weaving and winding, growing and sometimes faltering, dreaming more and more surely (as evidenced by our lives!) and generally having a soulful, if occasionally terrifying, time...

Our website is down while we dream its new form...we both feel that it needs to transform to reflect the changes in our lives and the richness of our path. So it will be back, sooner or later, what this space :o)

For the last year and a half we have been coccooned, it has seemed; in some ways isolated from our community and lineage...finding our own ways, testing the teachings, living the myths and magic and ideas. We have had a strong focus on family, not just in terms of our son, but our wider family...coming together and growing more intimate, more real.

At times it has seemed that our spiritual path has been laid aside in the midst of all this, but it has been there, the constant thread, the silent song we've been dancing too...

We have been discovering that life can be a prayer in itself, and that you can find opportunities to walk your talk in all aspects of your life. We have discovered some of the inherent powers within us, and that they have a separate reality from any tools or teachings we have been gifted by our lineage. We have been finding the sacred in the mundane, the essential in the obvious, and the soulful in everyday, normal human life.

It has been a wonderful journey, and I am sure it will continue to be so...till then, Munay x